New band wants words for songs. One writer is very abstract in his words. The other seems to be symbolic. What can I write? So far, the few times I've written, I haven't been super pleased. Then again, if I don't flex that muscle, how can I build it?
Even with inspiration, how do I interpret those into song lyrics? Do I write about current events? Frickin' school shootings? Inept and disgraceful politicians? High fuel prices? Global warming?
Do I write about personal things? From my bland life?
No idea.
It's not like I'm lacking inspiration. I'm currently in my in-laws' house in Indio, CA, holed up in the spare bedroom. My mother-in-law is in her living room watching The Lincoln Lawyer on Netflix. My father-in-law is in the hallway, his ashes in a wooden box that we will be taking to San Clemente tomorrow.
Ted passed away in April, on the 23rd, to be exact. Marci and Haley were here, Riley and I were back in Bellevue. We all knew the day was coming, as Ted was put in hospice sometime in April. He had been sick for awhile, with congenital heart failure as the main ailment, followed by something to do with his kidneys at the end. It wasn't a shock, but that doesn't mean we were prepared.
Marci called us the day he passed, while Riley and I were on our way home from lunch (Dickey's Barbecue Pit). She was so sad and upset and it really got me that neither Riley or I could do anything but listen and talk to her.
Over the next several days, it was simply talking to her every day, maybe a couple times a day, as she, Alison and Judy all navigated their grief and sadness. Mostly, Marci and Ali were supporting Judy, with Haley thrown in for good measure as she traveled back and forth from Irvine to Indio.
I thought about writing a blog post about Ted and what he meant to me, but stuff like that I have a hard time putting down. Not that I didn't love or admire him, but I felt like we had a relationship that happened in the moments we were together. Because they lived here and us in Bellevue, the only times we saw each other were when we were together. Every once in a while I'd hear him talking to Marci on the phone, but that was pretty much it as far as phone convos went.
But, when we were able to be together, it was always fun and warm. I must have met Ted and Judy in November of 1993. Marci and I met in May of 93 and with the drama of her previous relationship ending that summer, and then me being keen to be her next relationship, that meant we traveled to CA to be with her family for Thanksgiving.
My memory is not great, but as I think back, I think we stayed in Todd and Ali's apartment in the Irvine area. There were all sorts of get-togethers back then. Throughout the years, we'd visit Ted and Judy in CA, then Maryland (where I visited Wa DC the first time), Rhode Island (I think? Waverly, I think, as well as Boston and Salem MA), Georgia (Alpharetta), also visiting them in Costa Rica, when they were sailing all over the world. We also visited Mexico once, though I think that was a day trip from somewhere in CA.
Most times, however, it was at wherever their home was over the years, or at our house or Todd & Ali's house in San Clemente.
I had a great relationship with Ted. He was always accepting and a good friend and father-figure. He loved his daughters and wife dearly, and was the most patient man I knew. He was great with his grandkids and I'm so happy Haley got to spend some time with him at the end. Riley didn't, but did get to talk to Ted via video (as did I) during one of his last lucid moments.
I don't have a definitive memory of him, just a lot of good, fun and warm ones. Todd really got after him when he was younger, chasing adventure (sailing) and excitement. I'm a bit less fast-paced and I think Ted was OK with that as well.
Ted led a full life and really slowed down at the end, as his body just stopped working well (long before the heart issue). His back and knees were in rough shape and that limited him quite a bit. But once the heart started going, it was only a matter of time.
Last summer they surprised us by driving up one last time. I knew when they left that that was going to be the last time they came up. I didn't expect Ted to be gone within the year, though.
As sad as Marci and everyone may be, much like it was with Bella a few months ago, it was Ted's time to go. He was done and his body finally agreed. I will miss seeing him with Marci and the kids. I'll miss seeing him and Marci preparing dinner either here or at our house. I'll miss seeing and hearing him tell Haley and Riley stories about whatever. He had a great way with them, from when they were babies, until they were older. I'll just miss knowing that he's around.
After spending the past 24+ hours with Judy, I'm quite impressed with how self-sufficient she's been. She's cooked dinner two nights in a row. She tagged along with me to a couple Goodwills in the area. I bought her lunch and we've had good conversations.
I'm sure she's sad and lonely and I hope my being here has broken up some of the monotony of being at home by herself. But the truth is, aside from not having her husband anymore, she seems to be doing the same things she was doing when he was alive: watching TV, playing on her iPad, going about her day. The only difference is Ted is gone.
I know the time comes for everyone eventually and I'm closer to that part of my life than the beginning, but man, I sure hope when it does happen, well, I don't know. I don't know how to end this post. Just sort of rambling.
I don't want to go first; Marci would be OK but I can't fathom her alone and in pain. And I wouldn't want her to go first because I don't know what I'd do, let alone the kids in both cases. Hopefully we wouldn't have to worry about this for a long time and the kids will be much older.
So, let's hope modern medicine comes up with something that lets us all life as long as we want, in the prime of our lives. Like 50 feels good to me now; let me be forever 50, Marci forever whatever age she loves the most, and we'll just grow forever together.
Until global warming gets us all.
/end
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| Fred "Ted" Hicks, Nov 22, 1937 - Apr. 23, 2022 |
