Sunday, February 27, 2005

My Idea. Don't steal it

Seriously. I've had this idea kicking around for awhile. Don't anyone steal it or I'll be pissed!!!

It goes like this. Buy 1000 t-shirts and, for the ladies, babydoll tees (that IS what they're called, right?). Then start printing the following:

Black People Are Funny
Chinese People Are Funny
Mexican People Are Funny
(Insert Ethnicity Here) People Are Funny

Why? Because it's true! Seriously. I'm Chinese and surrounded by 'em at work. And they're funny as hell.

I was talking to this guy named Steve last week. Chinese, but not ABC (American Born Chinese) like me. But, he, like me, unlike my parents, had assimilated into the White Man's World. We had just met and though I'd told him my name, evidently he'd forgotten it. I gave him a card and he looked at it.

"Gwon? That's your name?"

"Yeah."

He grimaced. "Why?"

I shrugged. "Ask my parents."

So I have this Chinese dude questioning my deeply-rooted-in-China name. ...

Well, maybe you had to be there.

Here's another one. I work with this black guy (in our other business). He's a dapper guy. Usually dresses quite nice. Good looking guy. Super nice guy. He comes into work the other day wearing slacks, a black button down shirt, and a black hat that looks like it shoulda came with a cane and a fur coat.

Now, this guy is getting funny looks from everyone. Comments too. But the thing is, he pulls it off. Could I wear a hat like that? Sure. If I had a black mask and went by Kato. But I lost my mask and my name is not Kato, so, in reality, hell, no. This guy wore the hat, knew he would catch hell for it, but didn't care. You know what? That's funny.

I'm sure everyone has stories like that, or even funnier ones (highly unlikely!). So, I print up a bunch of shirts, make 'em look worn, then sell 'em by the box load to Hot Topix on Capitol Hill, or some second-hand stores. Get 'em on some trashy Hollywood starlet and BLAM. Instant fame and fortune.

Soon after, you'll see knock-offs of my shirts designed by Issac Mizrahi for Target. Then, soon after that, we know the shirt has jumped the shark when little Auden (I do have a 5 y.o. neighbor kid named Auden), surfer hair and all, has a "Irish People Are Funny" shirt for St. Patrick's Day and gets suspended because one of his teachers is offended by it.