Sunday, May 10, 2009

What's next?

I think I have writer's block. All I want to write about is how I've been spinning my wheels the past few months. No progress on the job front. No progress on the legal front. No leads on the horizon.

At what point to I swallow what little pride I have left so that I can at least get a paycheck?

Church today said that God will provide. I'm not looking for a handout, but a little nibble might be nice.

I feel like a dull failure. I feel like I'm wasting my time looking on Craigslist every morning. Then I set my sights higher, look at or Microsoft or something and realize that I simply cannot do the things that they want an employee to do.

Heck. I don't even know what I want to do. People ask me and I have no idea what to tell them. When I went from the Y to work for Dad, I didn't have a job interview. I didn't have to give a resume. I guess that's a plus when your dad is the boss.

These days, I have a resume, but, in my humble opinion, it's kind of a joke. It's so hard to be objective about myself. I know I'm good at stuff, but so many of those employers are looking for something specific.

Part of me is like, "Hey, get your ass back to school! Get some knowledge on these 'specifics' and get your ass hired!"

Then I realize you need to have $$$ to go to school and $$$ is something that is sorely lacking. Plus, the way the C&A situation is, well, let's just say I won't be taking out any loans anytime soon.

On the plus side, I'm really enjoying the family time. I love spending extra time with the kids and with Marci (what little I see of her. She's a busy bee!). I wish I was more handy; I could whittle down my imaginary Honey Do list. I'd start with replacing the ballasts in the garage lights, then maybe power wash the driveway. Gutters need cleaning too.

All of a sudden I just realized those things are easy. I just need to do them. Don't worry. I'm on it!

I just hate having a pity party.